Why do I need God?

Why do I need God and who is HE. Can’t I live by myself. Don’t I have a brain. Don’t I know what is good for me. Why should I do what God is asking me to do. I don’t even know what you are asking me to do. Over that you are boring. This is what I feel every single day. And it’s the truth. Why should I listen to you. What gain do I have listening to you. I’ve always been in trouble and always needed help. Why do I need you, if you let me suffer so much. Can’t you take away all my pain. Why are works so slow and you come at the last moment to help us after I’ve been suffering for so long. I do not like you. I know I need you but I still do not like you. You put me through immense pain, confusion and lack of understanding. Why should I come to you when I need help? I want to take control of my life. I want to be able to decide what I should do. Why should I even wait for you. You gave me the freedom to choose and I will choose. I want to enjoy life and not be stuck crying all the time and thinking you will come to my rescue. Because you don’t. You let me go through pain and then you come at the last moment when things are falling apart. I don’t know why are you like this and why am I always in trouble. This is what I want to tell you and I am not enjoying any of it. You have given me everything you say. What have you given me. My career is still the same. My difficulties keep mounting and I am getting older. I feel a strain on my body and mind always pulling me in different directions. I am most of the times unaware where to go and what I am supposed to do. And that’s the clueless live that I have. I am always waiting, always waiting for you to speak. 

God you are only one I have and everything else around me is hopeless. 😫